The Miracle of the Snow

VOTE HERE to Make UFOs Identified Again

*scroll down to skip to the poll

ACCORDING TO CATHOLIC LORE, on August 5, 358,¹ Pope Liberius and a wealthy couple had an identical, synchronous dream in which the Virgin Mary appeared and told them to build a church in her honor wherever there was snowfall. The next day – and this is the height of summer, mind you – they woke to find that a rogue snow had blanketed Esquilino hill. Needless to say, the construction then began.

This summer snowfall became known as The Miracle of the Snow and is celebrated to this day every August 5 with white rose petals dropped from the Basilica ceiling during mass as well as a lightshow during vespers where foam suds are spurted like the driving snow into the hot night sky.

seen one snowfall inside a Basilica, seen ‘em all

This mythic event has been memorialized by numerous artists, but the one most relevant here is the following 15th century painting by Masolino da Panicale.

As if collective dreaming and summer snowfalls weren’t weird enough, the artist suggests something even stranger was at play. Clouds or UFOs? The mystery of the snow deepens…

Some armchair UFOlogists have conjectured that the Miracle of the Snow was actually an extraterrestrial event, citing alleged sightings from the same location in Rome on Oct 27, 1954 where flying discs left white and cotton-like flakes in their wake. Of course, airborne masses called clouds do this too, but I wasn’t there for it so who am I to opine?

Now fast forward a couple of millennia to December 2024, when UFOs began swarming parts of the eastern seaboard. Yes, UFOs.² They are colloquially referred to in the media as drones, but the only consensus is that these objects zipping about at night over New Jersey are unidentified flying objects.

So what are these UFOs and who is behind them? There are many theories flying around, to stick with the imagery. Since this is Mostly Myth, and since you, cherished readers, are by now adept mythologists, I thought why not have you determine fact and fiction for us with a simple poll.

Here are your voting choices:

1. “Nothing to see here folks.” (Or as Joe Biden put it, “There’s nothing nefarious, apparently.”) This is the federal government position. Also under this category are collective hallucination, conspiratorial delusion, the mistaking of aircrafts for drones, the quest for meaning in a hollow life.

2. An offshore Iranian warship. This is the choice of neocons and regime change fantasizers. Their motto: even if it’s a lie, it’s for a good cause. Aspires to be the latest incarnation of the Gulf of Tonkin fiasco or Weapons of Mass Destruction PowerPoint. A good choice if you’re bat-shit crazy.

3. US government / NGO affiliate drones scanning the land for radiation. Susurrations of a medical isotope lost at sea. Russian deterrence against the West’s military escalation via threat of nuclear retaliation. Is it real? Who cares. Sometimes rumors talk louder than actions. Time to stock up on those potassium iodide pills!

4. Aliens. Where better to check out the natives than the New Jersey shore?

5. Bruised establishment candidates fleeing Europe on aircraft as shrunken as their post-election relevance. Planes manufactured by Macron, Scholz, & Co.

There you have it. Please VOTE BELOW based on the above options. Your choice is as anonymous as the UFO pilots.

Here’s to a New Year full of miraculous snowfall. And if you have a prime suspect for the UFOs that wasn’t reflected in the poll (like, say, clouds), please share as a comment ❄️❄️🛸🛸

1. Other sources say 352. But that it’s on August 5 is undisputed.

2. I refuse to use the more fashionable and snobby term UAP (Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena). UFO is classic and classy and rolls off the tongue. UAP is as ugly as the gassy mouthful of polysyllables that it stands for.